Stop Talking, Just Listen
I shared this last night on Twitter.
Think of that feeling when you finally arrive at an idea. It might feel like that neurotransmitter, dopamine, is surging through your system at the most incredible speeds. It feels good. We feel curious, focused, creative, and empowered.
What happens next is pretty predictable. We want to share our thoughts about this idea, right?
The good news about sharing your ideas is that you can start to fine tune the idea the more you talk it through and you also create more space in your head for other ideas, related or not, to enter.
So, here’s the bad news. Sometimes, your ideas aren’t always received with the same energy you were experiencing when you initially constructed the idea. So what changes when we share our thoughts and ideas with others? Why do we leave some ‘idea-sharing’ conversations feeling like we’ve reached a dead-end or even worse, defeated? Is my idea the problem?
Don’t worry it’s not you, it’s me. Or at least the ‘me’ in this situation is the person hearing your idea.
Our ideas can fall flat when the person receiving information about our new-thrilling idea exhibits the following behaviors:
“That’s a great idea…I can remember when I used to….”
“Oh, that just like….
“Hmm…this is a tricky idea, it might be best if you….”
Or, your partner only…
offers only advice.
shares their story.
compares your idea to something they read/watched.
You have to shift your beliefs about the capabilities of your partners. The belief might sound something like;
So how do we change this exchange?
Get CURIOUS.
VALUE thoughts and ideas.
EMPOWER your partner to push.
Ask more QUESTIONS.
TALK less.
Ask how you could support them as an ACCOUNTABILITY partner or a CRITICAL FRIEND.
The truth is, when a person presents an idea, we often have no idea how long they’ve worked to present this idea to you or others. Furthermore, the real learning here is that when we have an idea for a project or a structure in our work, we need to share it, implement it, revise it, and ultimately reflect on it. If you are hearing someone’s idea, who are you to take away that learning process from them?
Instead, provide the space for people to share their ideas. Stop talking. Ask more questions. And ultimately, work hard to understand the type of feedback they are seeking.
In the video below, I talk through some recent exchanges where I’ve monitored my own actions and the growth I’ve seen as a result.
Thanks for reading!