Active Listening
@BrianSepe_ Notebook Page
Listening.
It’s not a passive function.
In fact, most people who claim to be good listeners have a slightly altered view of the way they interact in a conversation.
You and I both know when someone is truly listening to us and we know when someone has completely checked out of what we are saying or is only interested in sharing the thoughts in their head.
Active listening is a skill. Putting the word ‘active’ in front of listening takes on an entirely different meaning than just contemplating listening or claiming to listen. Active implies that you are truly taking an action, either physically or verbally, some action that becomes operational.
When you commit to a habit like say, active listening, you have to practice the habit. For me, that meant committing to becoming a more fully present and active listener around the people in my life both on campus with my colleagues, at home with my family, on the field with my coaches and players, and when meeting people for the first time.
My path towards ‘active listening’ began with one word and internalizing some language and stems that could illuminate the path forward.
Curiosity:
The word is CURIOSITY. It really comes down to this fully attentive positioning around an interest in what others are sharing when it comes to active listening. Remembering for me, that this is not about me and that if I repeat and check in with the word, CURIOSITY, before and during a conversation I remind myself to give everything over to the person or group in the room. Leaning in a bit more to the person sharing, resisting the temptation to add-on or share my thoughts, and ultimately ask better questions to learn as much as I can.
Stems:
The sentence stems seemed rather basic and ones that I’m sure we’ve all used. However, for me, it meant committing to writing them out and truly owning the language in a way that feels natural and habitual.
Stems like the following can really ground your active listening in curiosity;
Tell me more…
I’m curious to learn more about…
How did you decide…
Can you say more about…
It sounds like you are saying…
And what else…
What do you mean when you say….
Of course, this is not an exhaustive list. It is a start and it is the way I remind myself to rely on leaning into curiosity and the pursuit of active listening. Right there in my notebook.
The work of active listening and curiosity truly doesn’t have a destination, but rather ongoing attention, awareness, and growth.
I am always looking for new ideas, hacks, and habits that work for others, so, if you have ideas about active listening, please share in the comments below.